


Tomorrow, Today

by stupidthinker



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I hope, M/M, Won't tag more because I hate spoiling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-07-13 14:31:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16019876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidthinker/pseuds/stupidthinker
Summary: Saying ‘see you tomorrow’ was easy for most people. For Jaebum who had no tomorrow, it was the most difficult thing. But he would fight against today to be able to see tomorrow even for just one more time, before he was swallowed again by the terrifying darkness that was haunting his every steps.





	1. Prologue - You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Finally back with new story again because I'm so happy of their new comeback and I don't know how many times I squealed because Jaebum looked so fine. Actually I've been writing the sequel of my omegaverse one shot, which I decided to rewrite all over again when it was almost finished because I'm not satisfied with how it came out lol. I'm stuck right now though so I need a change of pace and write this prologue in one go. The concept has been there in my dungeon for a while, just like many others I haven't find the urge to write a chapter for. Gonna be an angst this time, but I'll try to make this as fluff as possible because it seems like my mood darkened every time I write angst, I don't know why I still do it T_T Anyway, hope you like this new story and see you next update!

_♪ It’s a beautiful sky_  
_The sky is clear like you_  
_There is not a cloud because of you_  
_The world feels different to me  ♪_

 

\--

 

"Jinyoung."

"Hm?"

Jinyoung turned his head, hair fluttered as the wind blew on the school rooftop, just like Jaebum's heart. The blue sky behind him was beautiful, as clear as the black orbs that captured his eyes, taking his breath away and rendering him speechless. Jinyoung lifted an eyebrow, waiting. He swallowed his breath.

"You know there's a painting competition coming up after summer break and I have to submit something."

Jinyoung nodded. "And?"

"I want you to be my model."

Jinyoung tilted his head, eyes that always seemed to see through his deepest soul fixed on him. He started to feel nervous, wondering what Jinyoung was able to see. The silence felt like forever, and he started to feel dejected at the possible rejection. But then, Jinyoung's mouth curled into a smile that was brighter than the sun above them, and he released the air he didn't know he was holding.

"You better win after exploiting me like that."

Jaebum smirked. "Of course I will. Who do you think I am?"

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "Alright, Mr. Genius."

Jaebum laughed, and the other followed. They let the laughter fade, molding into a comfortable silence as the late spring breeze caressed their skin. It felt so nice, being with Jinyoung like that, and he found himself wishing the bell would never rang. Moment like that made him painfully aware of the feeling he kept toward the other, something he couldn't hide anymore. So he called out for that name again.

"When I win that competition, there's something I want to tell you," he said. Jinyoung furrowed his brows, confused.

"Why not saying it now?"

"So you'll be curious about it, because you can't stand not knowing something," Jaebum grinned.  _And so you'll think of me as you wondering about it._ He yelped when Jinyoung hit his shoulder and laughed when he saw the boy pouting, exhilarated and expectant of what would happen after summer break.

After summer break never came for Jaebum, and his confession was buried deep inside his heart as tomorrow vanished from his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: GOT7 - You Are


	2. Awaken

_ ♪ I wake up, this strange moment _ __  
_ Where am I? Who am I? _ __  
_ Awaken, tears are falling _ _  
_ __ Who was I for all this time? ♪

 

_ \-- _

 

Jaebum opened his eyes, blinking once, twice, squeezing warm liquid down his temple. He brushed it with his finger and stared at the wetted skin, confused. Why would he cry when he had such a happy dream? The memory was playing over in his head again, and he smiled as he remembered their promise. Summer break will be over in a week, and he could see Jinyoung again. Of course he felt happy, but somehow a dull ache that twisted his heart clouded the feeling grey.

He almost jumped as a blaring noise broke the silence. He cursed, reaching for his phone to turn it off. However, a huge text in caps on the flashing screen stopped him.

READ THE NOTEBOOK BESIDE YOUR BED RIGHT AWAY!

His brows knitted in confusion. He didn’t remember any notebook beside the ones he used for school, although there was more doodles than writings there. Why would he read them right after he woke up, and he even put on a reminder for that? The alarm got louder and louder he quickly turned it off. He sat up and looked around his room, frowning as he saw many things he didn’t recognize, like hundreds of polaroid photos almost covering a whole wall facing the side of his bed. His head spun, wondering who put them there. Was that some new kind of prank?

A weird book on the nightstand caught his eyes. Only after he examined it closer he realized that it was a few notebooks bound together, each more worn out than the one under. He never saw the book before, yet it felt so vaguely familiar. He took it and started reading from the first page, unfolding the truth of his life his brain couldn’t keep.

It was a journal, recording everything that had happened in his life. Apparently, he wasn’t a high school junior anymore, he was twenty five years old. In that summer break, the car he was in was hit by a truck and it damaged his brain. Since then his new memories would only stay until he sleep, but all his past memories still stayed intact, as clear as the day. Tears pouring down his face as he learnt that his parents passed away in the accident. His heart was crushed that he couldn’t even remember their final moment, or if he was there at their funeral. He cried and cried, clutching the frozen smile of his parents in the photo he found inside the book over his chest.

After he calmed down, not that the pain had vanished but because he had conceded to the cruel fate that befell him instead, he braved himself to continue reading.  Turned out his parents left him quite a big sum of insurance money. His grandmother took care of him after the incident, but she too had passed away not too long ago, pulverizing the shattered piece of his heart into dust. The adult him was a painter under the alias JB. It said his older cousin became his manager and took care of all his painting. Seemed like his cousin did a pretty good at it, from the many results that popped up when he entered his alias in the search bar of his phone. Turned out he had won some big competitions. All the articles that popped up called him the ghost of painting world, since he never showed up in public and no one knew who he was.

He read the journal until the end, storing his lost life inside his brain with a pang in his heart, knowing it would all disappear again when the day ended. And the next morning when he woke up, he would repeat all this agony again. He closed the book and put it back to where he took it. He glanced around his room once again until his eyes stopped at the photos that, according to the book, he took. They might be things he saw and wanted to keep even though he would end up forgetting. He imagined what he felt when he captured each of those beautiful photos, and somehow he felt better. At least his heart was lighter than before.

He got off of bed and the room, walked across the hallway and entered the bathroom. He found a face staring back at him, so familiar yet foreign for him. It had his eyes, his nose, his lips, his moles, but with sharper features than the one in his memories. The tail of that person’s hair almost reached his shoulder, his fringe nearly covered the pair of bloodshot eyes. Piercings lined along the edge of each ears. That person opened his mouth when he did, showing a gap formed by a missing tooth that should have been there. The journal didn’t mention anything about it, so he assumed it was a fragment of what the car crash had cost him. He closed his eyes, burning the imagery inside his brain, telling himself that the face he owned was no longer the one in his memories, but the one pictured in the mirror over the sink. He opened his eyes again and smiled at his reflection.

“Hi, Jaebum,” he greeted his new self. There was no use dwelling over his misfortune. His life only had one day, shorter than twenty four hours. He should use his time to his utmost, so he wouldn’t feel regret when he closed his eyes and the life he had at the moment ended. He turned his head away from the mirror and got himself ready to start the day.

 

\--

 

Jaebum bent down, using his knees to support himself as he caught his breath. Who thought tailing the first cat he found was a great idea just because he was bored? The white cat just made him climbed up and down the slopes, squeezed himself through narrow passages, went under bushes, and jumping fences. Glad he lived in rural area so there was no witness of his stupidness or else he might be sued for trespassing. And the cat was even nowhere in sight when he straightened up again.

He lifted the baseball cap he was wearing, wiping the sweat that had dampened the fabric before putting it back. His long-sleeved tee was sticking to his skin. He looked up at the seemingly never ending hills and sighed. Maybe he should rest for a while before coming down. He was hungry, and he had already lost the cat anyway. So he sat on a big stone with flat surface on the side of the road, sipping a few gulps of water from the bottle he brought in his backpack. He took a deep breath and released it to the air, feeling his heartbeat slowed down.

A sheet of white petal landed on his shoes, and he looked up. Branches filled with cherry blossoms criss-crossed above him, with clear blue sky as the background. He never came to this place before, at least as long as he could remember. Well, he went to school in the capital since middle school, staying at his uncle’s house. That was why he only went home on long breaks and rarely wandered far. He was quite surprised at how the area wasn’t that different from his memories. Then again, maybe that was why his grandmother and his uncle decided to turn him back to that rural area instead of taking care of him in the capital where everything changed so fast. His eyes followed as more petals descended riding the wind, and more, and more. It looked like snow, drawing back the winter when he first met Jinyoung.

He closed his eyes as he reminisced the memory and chuckled. Funny how he could clearly remember something from many years ago when he couldn’t even recall what he ate for dinner yesterday. His heart ached at how strong his feeling still was toward the boy. Like his mind, his heart was also stuck in one place. His time stopped that day, and no matter how many years had passed or how much the world change, he would still be the eighteen year-old Jaebum. He would only be able to love one person until he died, and that person was Park Jinyoung.

A meowing sound made his eyes flew open. He looked at the source, finding the cat he was following sitting beside him, staring at him with her big sapphire eyes. His mouth curled up in a grin..

“Hey, I was looking for you. Where did you disappear to?”

The cat meowed an answer. He reached out his hand to pat her, and she leaned into his palm. He smiled fondly at the cat. He took out his camera and captured her inside the squared white frame. Just like him, the fact that cats were adorable would never change.

“Jaebum?”

A voice called out from behind him, and he froze. It was a voice etched in both his memory and heart deeply. A voice that sounded like a tune when pronouncing his name. A voice he longed to hear so much it hurt. He turned his head to its owner, and looking back at him was the same face he saw in his dream, but more refined and matured. The first and last love of his life, standing before him, and he felt like crying.

Jinyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Stray Kids - Awaken  
> Gonna use songs for chapter titles in this fic from now on. Also I've just read the summary of a drama called "Devilish Joy", and the backstory is surprisingly similar to this fic. I love the casts too, so it's gonna be in my must watch list when it's completed. And for anyone who didn't know, this condition is called anterograde amnesia, which is a loss of the ability to create new memories after the event that caused the amnesia, leading to a partial or complete inability to recall the recent past, while long-term memories from before the event remain intact (bless you, wiki). I made it based on the thought of what if you can only love one person in your life because you're literally unable to, not those 'well I tried to move on but I can't'. Anyway, hope you like this chapter :))  
> Oh and I'm sorry this chapter is short. Gonna write longer next time :D


	3. Sad Song

_♪_ _You and I,_ _  
__We're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky_ _  
__With you, I'm alive_ _  
__Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide_ _  
__So stop time right here in the moonlight,_  
Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes ♪

 

\--

 

“It’s been a while isn’t it?” he said to the man sitting next to him, who confirmed it with a nod.

“That’s right. I heard about your accident. I’m so sorry about your parents.”

Jaebum shook his head, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fell again. People died, he knew, and the ones left behind should move on and let it go. But like all of them, he needed time, something he didn’t have the luxury to have. But crying would only make Jinyoung uncomfortable, so he forced out a smile instead. “At least there’s no moment where they’re separated, so maybe it’s good in its own way.”

“What about you? You never came back to school afterwards. I went to your uncle’s house and was only told you moved back here. What happened to you?”

Jaebum tensed, not knowing what to say. Somehow he didn’t want Jinyoung to know about his condition. He was afraid of what his reaction might be. He didn’t want the other to pity him just shortly after they finally met again, or even worse, distanced himself. Maybe his distress was written on his face, because Jinyoung stuttered, “It’s okay if it’s something you don’t want to tell me. It was just too sudden, and we wondered what happened that you didn’t even say goodbye to us.”

Jaebum lifted an eyebrow. “We?”

“The kids, Mark, Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam, Yugyeom. Who else?”

Jaebum chuckled softly as his heart was slightly ridden with guilt, remembering his annoying yet endearing friends fondly. In his mind he just met him some weeks ago, but his heart still missed them greatly. “Of course, those kids. I’m sorry, for leaving like that. I had some… situation, that’s why. Anyway, how have they been?”

“Well, Jackson went back to Hongkong and coaches the fencers of national team. Mark has finally become a professional gamer now, and Bambam owns a clothing line here so they’re staying. Yugyeom still dances, and Youngjae teaches vocal. We still meet from time to time, and Jackson contacts us often.”

“Wow, those really suited them,” Jaebum looked up at the swaying cherry blossoms, waves of melancholy brushes over him as he was made to realize once again how much he had missed as he reset to that summer break everyday. “I wonder how they look like now. Maybe Mark doesn’t even talk anymore and speaks by clicking his mouse instead.”

Jinyoung’s laugh chimed through the rustles of the leaves, and it somehow soothed Jaebum to find that the way he laughed didn’t change at all. “What about you, Jinyoung? What brings you here?,” he asked.

“I’m teaching kindergarteners, but I’m on break right now. I’ve been wanting to go travelling, that’s why I’m here.”

Jaebum chuckled. “You’ve chose a perfect job for yourself, Jinyoung. I can totally see you reading pictured book, scaring kids with your witch impersonation.”

“I don’t!” Jinyoung yelled, before adding hesitantly, “well, maybe a few times. But that’s it.”

His laughter exploded, followed by Jinyoung. They let it slowly dispersed into the air, listening as the nature hummed its melody. The cat had already ran to somewhere again, yet none of them made a move to go after her. He missed sitting side by side with the other like that, and he wanted to savor it as long as he can. He stole a glance or two at Jinyoung, admiring the imperishable beauty of the man beside him, causing his heart flutter. He felt like a teenager all over again, idling away on the rooftop of their school, separated from the outside world. Well, he indeed was one the day before according to his memories, and he was still trapped in his teenage love.

“Just like when we were still in high school, no?” Jinyoung asked suddenly, shocking him frozen. Did Jinyoung just read his mind? Did he caught him looking?

“Back then, we used to hang out on the rooftop together, just like this,” Jinyoung continued, and he held back a sigh of relief. “Sometimes others would come too, but mostly it was only the two of us. I really miss those days. Don’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he looked up, letting his mind wandering between the clouds, fantasizing what would have happened if that accident never exist. How would Jinyoung pervade the white canvas with colors painted by the tip of his brush? How much of his feelings would overflow in every stroke of it? What would Jinyoung think about his painting? Would he saw the truth even before he confessed? Would he managed to speak out his feelings at last, and how would he react to it? But ‘if’ didn’t happen, so there they were, no painting, merely old friend.

“Do you still remember our promise? The one we made there before you went away?” Jinyoung asked, and his heart almost stopped again. Was he really not reading his mind?

“You asked me to be your model, and you said there was something you wanted to say after the competition. And you’re right, it tickled my curiosity like an itch I can’t scratch. What was it?”

“Hmm, what was it again? It’s been so long, I totally forget,” was the lie that rolled off of his tongue, replacing the three word that was stuck on his throat. How could he say that? It was already too late. Back then, he was the one closest to the other, and he was confident he could make him return his feelings. But the Jinyoung in front of him was someone who had matured throughout the years they were away from each other and met many people he didn’t know, no longer the Jinyoung who would come to his class every recess to go to the cafeteria together. And although there was a slight chance the other would accept him, he didn’t have the heart to make him deal with his condition. He wasn’t someone capable of making him happy anymore. Staying by his side would only hurt him, and he hated it even more than him himself getting hurt.

“Is that so? Not that important then. It’s so disappointing,” Jinyoung said, “guess an artist of your caliber won’t be interested in painting someone ordinary like me anymore.”

Confusion pulled his eyebrows into a frown. “What do you mean?”

“You’re JB, right?”

It wasn’t even actually a question. There was no trace uncertainty in his firm eyes. It took Jaebum a second to remember that it was indeed his alias according to the journal. But didn’t it said that no one knew his real identity? Then how come Jinyoung knew about that? Maybe he looked dumb in his perplexity because Jinyoung laughed as he saw his face.

“Oh my, it’s been a while since I saw that face. It’s still as hilarious as ever,” Jinyoung said in between his laughter.

“But how? How do you know that I am JB? I thought no one knows about it?”

“I’ve been a fan of your works since even before I knew you, it’s not hard for me to recognize your style anywhere. And it’s not like your handwriting has changed either. I saw a painting signed as JB at an exhibition, and I knew right away it’s yours.”

Jaebum opened his mouth only to close it again, unable to find any words to say. His heart was pounding against his ribcage with hope of something he knew he shouldn’t have. At that moment, he only wanted to hold the man beside him and scream his love at the top of his lungs. He stood up abruptly, feeling Jinyoung’s confused look toward him.

“I have to go,” he said, not meeting the other’s eyes. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to leave, and there was no telling what he might do if he stayed longer. “Bye.”

“Wait,” there was a hand around his wrist, preventing him from going. Jinyoung’s face entered his sight, and he was once again trapped in his eyes, just like he used to be back then.

“Will you come here again tomorrow? I want to see you again before I went back to Seoul the day after.”

As if he was hypnotized, he almost nodded. He wanted with his whole being to go along with Jinyoung’s wish, forgetting all reasons. He shook his head off from the spell, reminding himself of what was taken away from him. He no longer had tomorrow. He would forget everything. No matter what he wrote inside his journal, there were still limits to that. There would be things missing,  and Jinyoung would notice.

“I don’t think I can. I’m sorry.” It broke Jaebum’s heart to say that, and to see Jinyoung’s face fell in disappointment. However, smile returned to his face again in a flash it felt like the disappointment he saw was only his imagination.

“Even just a little bit is alright, if you’re busy. Just come whenever you can, and I’ll be here. Okay?”

“But…”

“I’ll wait until you come. See you tomorrow.”

Jinyoung left with a smile, not giving him a chance to refuse. He couldn’t remember how he got home, too occupied with the thoughts of the man. And when the night came, with the blank pages of his journal opened before him and a pen in his hand, he couldn’t write anything. His feelings was too overwhelming for him to describe, and too many things he wanted to remember that couldn’t be kept by mere words. Like how different and similar Jinyoung was to the one inside his memories, how his voice got deeper, how he still laughed the same, everything. So he put down his pen and closed the journal.

Just one more day, he decided. If he stayed the night awake, he could live for one more day. He could keep the day’s memories for one more day. He hang onto those feelings he had that day for one more day. So instead of laying on his bed he sat in front of a blank canvas, moving his brush tirelessly with a cup of americano beside him. After the sun dethroned the moon and his third cup was empty, the imagery of cherry blossom trees, a big stone, and the back profile of a black haired man sitting on it spread across the canvas. The scene he would forget, a place he could no longer reach, as soon as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: We the Kings - Sad Song
> 
> Greeting you again with a new chapter! Sorry though, it seems I'm not able to write long chapters for this story at all, I don't even know why. Usually when I wrote a chapter it would be more than 2.5k or 3k words, but somehow for this story I couldn't even reach 2k T_T Anyway, hope you still enjoy this chapter :D


	4. Paint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fast update ;D

_♪_ _Maybe we'd marry and we'd work it out fine,_ _  
_ _In some other time, some other time_ _  
_ _And we are happy when I'm walking that line,_ _  
_ _It's all in my mind, all in my mind_ _  
_ _I paint the ceiling so that nobody knows_ _  
_ _I cover it slow, cover it slow_ _  
_ _It's like you've never even met me before,_ _  
_ __How little I show, little I show ♪

 

\--

 

He didn’t intend to come, really. He spent his whole day distracting himself so that he wouldn’t give in to the temptation. But when a clap of thunder rattled his roof and dark clouds obscured the sky with such thickness not even the sun could penetrate, his determination weakened. No matter how much he convinced himself Jinyoung was smart enough to stop waiting for him if it rained, he was too well acquainted with his stubbornness. When Jinyoung decided on something, he would see it until the end.

That was how he found himself climbing up the hill again moments later. A folded umbrella dangling from a thread on his wrist, forcing his sluggish body to move. No amount of coffee could replace a good night rest after all, or maybe his body had gotten used to that dose caffeine without him remembering that it no longer had much effect. Or maybe his body was just getting old, despite his mind staying seventeen.

He pushed his legs to move faster, opening the umbrella without pausing, when the first drop of water which fell on his nose multiplied into countless ones. Half of him wished Jinyoung had given up and went back, yet the other selfish half that was wanting to see him again wished the opposite. So he felt a bit guilty at the slight happiness surging up inside him when he saw Jinyoung standing there, taking shelter under the bushiest tree there, eyes sparkled against the gloomy rain as he saw him running.

“Why are you here still here? Are you deaf now that you can’t hear those thunders?” he yelled, putting the umbrella over both of them.

“Waiting for you, of course,” Jinyoung said lightly to his frustration.

“What if I never come? Are you going to wait until the rain stop? What if it goes on until morning?”

“But you come,” Jinyoung smiled, “I know you will.”

Jaebum sighed, wiping water from Jinyoung’s face with his the sleeve of his hoodie. “You’re dumb, you know that?”

Jinyoung grinned. “Not dumb, just persistent.”

“Which is dumb. I’ll take you back. Where are you staying?”

“At an inn near the town.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

They started walking, the ground squelching under their shoes. None of them said anything, like they often did when they were together, but instead of awkwardness it created a comfortable bubble which filtered every noise into a pleasant lullaby. That time, however, he was quite disturbed as he could feel a pair of eyes staring intensely at him. He tried to endure it, but patience was never his strong suit afterall.

“If there’s something you wanna say, just do it.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “Sorry, it’s nothing. I’m just glad that you don’t change a bit.”

Well, of course he didn’t. More like he couldn’t, but Jinyoung didn’t need to know that. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t have five holes in my ears eight years ago, but suit yourself.”

“And you sure didn’t have an ugly tail on your neck, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Remember I often went back late because I was in student council? You knew I never brought umbrella with me, so you’d wait until I finished and we’d go home together. That’s why when I knew it was going to rain, I became more sure that you’d come. And I was right, you really come. Good boy~.”

“Who do you think I am, your personal umbrella?,” he said annoyedly, yet he didn’t brush off the hand stroking the back of his hair.

“Of course you are. Do you know how much I missed you every time it rained?”

“Just because you got drenched thanks to your own foolishness,” Jaebum rolled his eyes.

“Then why did I still miss you even when the sun shined brightly? Or when it was replaced by the moon? Can you tell why?”

Jaebum stopped to look at Jinyoung, confused by the question. Then a pair of tender lips covered his own, so sudden in his daze. His brain was working slowly that before he managed to register it, the only thing left was the lingering feeling of those lips.

“I’ve been regretting not telling you my feelings back then. And when I saw you again, they came back so easily as if they’re always there. I don’t want to regret anymore so I’ll say it now.”

Jinyoung look straight into his eyes, the two black orbs piercing through his soul the way it used to do eight years ago. The sound of drizzling rain faded to the background, and all he could hear were the loud beating of his heart and Jinyoung’s voice.

“I love you, Jaebum.”

Jaebum opened his mouth, but every words he had learned was lost inside the storm of his heart. It was everything he ever wanted, to have Jinyoung’s love, to kiss him. It supposed to make him happy. However, he felt his heart breaking instead. It was everything he ever wanted, yet it would disappear without a trace the moment he could no longer stay awake.

“Why are you crying?” Jinyoung asked, his eyes filled with concern. Only then Jaebum realized that tears had fallen onto his cheek, which soon flooding down. Jinyoung pulled him into his arms and patted his back as he soaked his shoulder wet. Since he woke up the day before, it was the first time he cursed the world and his fate. It was so unfair. What did he do so wrong to deserve all of that? Did he angered the God? Or fate just having fun playing with him? Bringing Jinyoung to him just to let him forget? Why did it have to be so cruel? And why him?

He cried his heart out, and all the while Jinyoung told him that everything was gonna be okay like a chant. His soothing voice calmed him down, and eventually his tears stopped. However, the ache in his heart still hurt as much as it did before. As Jinyoung took the umbrella from him and held his hand, leading him to continue walking, he wondered if it would disappear along with his memories, and he found himself not wanting it to happen. Since everything that connected to Jinyoung was precious to him, he didn’t want to lose it.

“It’s here,” Jinyoung finally said. They were in front of an traditional inn, with big wooden gates and white high wall. Jinyoung stared at him cautiously, as if he was about to burst into tears again. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, forcing out a small smile to reassure Jinyoung. “I’m sorry for that.”

“Don’t be,” Jinyoung smiled back, although his eyes told him he wasn’t convinced.

“Well, this is it, then. Sleep well, and be careful on your way back tomorrow.”

He grabbed the umbrella, but Jinyoung wouldn’t let go of it. He looked at him, confused. “Give my umbrella back, Jinyoung. Or do you want me to go home drenched in the rain?”

Instead of releasing, Jinyoung’s grip on the umbrella tightened. There was something close to dread in his eyes and it made Jaebum even more puzzled.

“Why do I feel like I could never see you again if I let go of this umbrella?”

His words stabbed right through his chest, because of how true it was. The Jaebum that Jinyoung saw, talked with, confessed to, and kissed the day before would vanish to nothingness. There would be no next time for them, as the him right then would die when he went home, closed his eyes, and fell into slumber.

“I’m right, no?” The pained expression on Jinyoung’s face crushed his heart. It was unbearable to see, so he averted his eyes and looked down. He could have lied, yet he couldn’t. If Jinyoung looked for him and found out what he had forgot, it would only hurt him more. It was better to end it here, to make sure they wouldn’t meet again. So he nodded, admitting the truth, admitting the cruel fate that befell him.

“Is it because I said I love you? Can it change if I retract my confession? We can just be friends like we used to.”

Jaebum shook his head, trying to held back his tears from falling again. It would be better for Jinyoung to forget him and move forward, finding someone who can bring him happiness. Getting tangled with his messed up destiny wasn’t how he wanted Jinyoung to spend his life by. Although he would never have a happy ending, at least Jinyoung should.

“Then why?”

Jaebum lifted his face, meeting Jinyoung’s glazed eyes. “It’s best if we don’t see each other anymore. I can’t tell you why, but please understand. Don’t make it harder for me, it’s already difficult for me as it is. Leave this place, and forget me. Will you do that, for the sake of our friendship? I beg you.”

Jinyoung stared at him in hurt and disbelief. “You’re horrible, you know. How can I refuse if you put it that way? It’s unfair.”

Jaebum pushed Jinyoung’s hands off of the umbrella gently, and this time the latter let go, giving in. Seeing Jinyoung being so furnerable pained him, but he couldn’t let it weakened his resolve. “I’m sorry, it’s okay if you hate me. Farewell.”

With his heart dragging on his feet, he turned around and walked away. However before he reached his fifth step, a pair of arms wrapped firmly around him, keeping him from going.

“I won’t look for you again, I promise. In exchange, will you grant me one last wish?”

“Stay with me until I leave tomorrow. No, even the morning is fine. We don’t need to do anything, just stay by my side tonight. Will you?”

Jaebum could hear Jinyoung’s voice shaking. He looked up and blinked his eyes, keeping his tears from falling. He had reached his limit, he couldn’t hurt Jinyoung any further than that. And he couldn’t deny that he also wanted that last chance to be with Jinyoung a little bit longer. So for once, he let his selfishness win.

Just like Jinyoung said, they didn’t do anything. They didn’t even talk, afraid of what might come out if they did, and more unnecessary memories formed. They only ate the dinner prepared by the kind owner together and lay down on the mattress they spread on the floor after, staring at each other for hours until Jinyoung fell asleep. Jaebum was also barely hanging by, but he knew he couldn’t fall asleep there. So he left as quietly as he could, trying not to wake Jinyoung up.

He reached his house moments later and threw himself on the bed. Both his body, mind, and heart were worn out from everything, he couldn’t even bothered to clean himself up. His eyes caught his journal, and once again he decided not to write anything. Knowing he had Jinyoung’s love yet unable to claim it would only be another thing that crushed him further along with the grief of his parents’ and his grandma’s death when he woke up. It would became another wound pried open every morning with no chance to heal until he died. He’d rather stay in his unrequited love bliss, which didn’t hurt as much as what he felt right then.

And so he fell asleep, letting go of everything precious to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: The Paper Kites - Paint
> 
> I love it when Jaebum smiles but why why why do I always make him suffer in my stories I'm starting to hate myself (not really). I intended to make this chapter fluffier but I surprised myself with the amount of angst inside me. Anyway, how do you like this chapter? Hope you'll still like it despite the angstiness :D


	5. The Day After Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated! Enjoy :))

_♪_ _But I crash in my mind whenever you are near_

_ Getting deaf, dumb, and blind, just drowning in despair _

_ I am lost in your flame, it's burning like a sun _

_ And I call out your name the moment you are gone ♪ _

 

\--

 

“What?! You met Jaebum?!”

Jackson’s shriek turned all the heads in the coffee house to their table as Jinyoung sent a panicked hush. Ignoring, the Chinese kept interrogating, pestering him to tell the details in fortunately lower volume.

“So you still don’t know why he disappeared?”

“Yeah, he didn’t tell,” Jinyoung said, remembering the smile that used to be bright and free was stained blue under the cherry blossom. He found Jackson staring at him, eyes scrutinizing.

“I’m glad to know he’s alright, but… what about you?”

“Me? What about me?”

“Are you alright?,” Jackson asked carefully, “there must be a reason why you kept it for almost a year before telling one of us. Why did you even went there to look for him especially after all these years?”

Jinyoung had thought he was ready to tell, but he was wrong. The things he left out from his story still hurt as much as the morning when he woke up to the empty mattress beside him, alone. He took a deep breath, wishing the air filling his lungs would numb the ache a little.

“You already know I broke up with my boyfriend last year, right?”

Jackson nodded. “Mark told me. He didn’t tell me why though.”

“That’s because I didn’t tell him, or anyone in that matter. He left after telling me that although he was the one in front of me, he wasn’t the one my eyes looking for. I couldn’t even hold on to him because I was guilty as he said.”

It was always the same case, even with the ones before him. It was always the cycle of meeting someone, dating, and hurting them until they couldn’t bear it anymore. It wasn’t like he didn’t love every single one of them, he did. Only a part of his heart unconsciously, constantly longing for someone else whose presence was already carved into the core.

“Don’t tell me…,” Jackson frowned, “you still like him? After all this time?”

Jinyoung sighed. “At that time, I wasn’t sure. I wondered whether what I feel was really love or just a lingering feelings that never managed to get a closure. That’s why I went to look for him, or I’d forever be stuck n that loop. Only after I saw him that I’m certain I still love him as much as I did years ago.”

“So? Did you find what you’re looking for?,” the Chinese asked curiously.

Jinyoung shifted his eyes down, mindlessly stirring his americano. He could still remember every words, every faces Jaebum made as if it was being played right before his eyes again. “I wonder,” he said. He was relieved to be spared from further questions as a knocking sound resounding from the window beside them, showing Mark with a huge grin on his face. Once Jackson saw his beloved, he could see and think of nothing but him anyway. When he ran up to Mark as soon as he walked through the door and jumped onto him, Jinyoung couldn’t measure how much he wished to pretend he didn’t know them.

“Thanks for picking him up from the airport,” Mark said to Jinyoung after he settled on a chair across him. Jackson twined his arm around his boyfriend’s, pouting as he snuggled his head on his shoulder.

“That’s right. I was so happy when I walk out, thinking I’d finally see you again, but all I saw was his annoying smirk.”

“What, are you complaining? When I sacrifice my precious day off for you? How ungrateful.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Mark laughed, “I didn’t expect the sudden meeting, and it went so long.”

“Is it about the new game you’re making?” Jinyoung asked. Beside being a pro gamer, Mark also worked at a startup game developer company.

“Yeah. There was a little problem, but it’s cleared now.

Jackson heaved an overly heavy sigh, and it was hard for Jinyoung not to roll his eyes as he saw the dramatic sadness on his face. “It’s okay, I understand. I won’t be that whiny boyfriend who makes a fuss over your work.”

“Yeah right, you’re definitely not wearing my ears off with your complain throughout the trip here, at all,” Jinyoung scoffed, gaining dagger stares  from Jackson. He zipped his jacket up and said, “Alright, let’s get rid of this third wheel. Mark’s here now, so I better go home.”

“Why don’t you stay for a little bit and we can have dinner together?,” Mark asked.

“No way, I don’t wanna be a lone witness to how disgusting you both are after seven months separation. Enjoy your time together, and we’ll have dinner later with the others.”

“He’s right, let him go Mark. And you, just go quickly. Shoo shoo,” Jackson waved his hand up and down annoyingly. Jinyoung sighed, wondering what sin he made in his previous life to gain a friend like Jackson. He bid goodbye to the couple and stepped out to the crowded street. He was welcomed by the harsh wind of winter slapping his face. He glanced back into the coffee shop, capturing the sight of the two. He could feel a nip of envy inside him.

Of course it was all his own fault. Their first love came true because they were brave enough to tell each other how they feel, while he only hid, satisfied only being by his crush’s side, thinking they could stay that way forever. He was too scared to change what they had. But Jaebum was gone before he knew it, leaving him broken to pieces with regret. He somehow managed to sweep the fragments to away over the years, but it was always inside him somewhere, unnoticed. Then the realization that he never stopped loving him bursted them up again, the sharp edges pierced his heart and tearing him apart.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the daydream. The temperature gap from indoor and outdoor was big enough he started shivering. He walked up to his car as fast as he could, eager to be surrounded by warmth again. However, something caught his eyes that deterred his initial intention, and before he knew it he was already running toward the opposite direction.

He crossed across the road, ignoring the traffic light and the parade of blaring car horns he caused. He only thought of catching the familiar back he recognized among the crowd. He desperately yelled the owner’s name over and over in his head, but somehow he couldn’t verbalize it. He didn’t even realize a motorbike running toward him in high speed until it passed in front of him. Though fortunately he stopped right on time before he was ran over, the shock diverted his attention away from the person he was chasing for. When he finally reached the other side of the street, the ebony haired man was nowhere to be seen.

Crushed with dejection, he crouched down, beating himself for his foolishness. Of course he wouldn’t be there, he was miles away in his hometown. He must be crazy for imagining him like that. How pathetic.

He knew he should have given up, but he couldn’t. After the initial shock of being told not to find him again, he realized that never once did Jaebum tell him he didn’t like him back. In fact, it felt like there was another reason why he said it, or that was what he wanted to think. He went there to find closure, but it only crushed his hope and gave it wings at the same time that he ended up yearning for Jaebum even more than before, wondering what he was thinking.

Sometimes he just wanted to close his eyes, living in an imaginary parallel world where he confessed to Jaebum, where the accident happen and they didn’t separate. A universe where Jaebum answered his confession with love at the tip of his tongue, where they walked the flowery road together through the changing seasons, adoring each other in slightly different way from Mark and Jackson, yet still as strong as theirs. But he was being delusional, and at the end when the sun dyed the night with its light, he had to wake up.

“Hey, don’t block the way!,” an angry voice yelled from above him. He quickly stood up and bowed down in apology. The old man only snorted before walking away, and he sighed. He really needed to get a grip of himself and moving forward, he couldn’t be that way forever. But as he went back to his car and put a reminder in his phone when he saw an exhibition poster pasted on the wall, he realized he never learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Saybia - The Day After Tomorrow  
> Sorry it took so long for me to update T_T I was truly stuck, so I wrote other story to clear my head. And now finally I come up with a new chapter after changing the plot multiple times I'm so happy. It feels like a burden lifted from my heart :D
> 
> By the way, I'm currently so in love with JUS2 new album. The title song and the mv are so great! They complement each other so perfectly, mingled up into something hypnotizing it kinda sucks you in. It's the first time I feel that way watching an mv lol. And I really love Touch and Drunk on You too, they're gems <3 I'm so excited for He's Psychometric too. Watching the teasers is killing me but I keep doing it anyway because I'm too impatient T_T Lol at Jinyoung when he said JB betrayed him for being in JUS2, and JB when he said he will come back soon :)))))
> 
> Anyway, hope you like this chapter! Now that I've found the right direction of the story I might not take too long to update again, so see you soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Thanks for your support too, whatever form it is. I'm just glad :))


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